Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

The short story is that we're going back -- and it's gonna be a Pay-per-view episode.

I don't even know what that means. I've never watched an episode in my life, and only know Jerry Springer through short clips I've seen in movies, and heresay from others.

Here's the long story: Two weeks ago friends got tickets for six and we drove to Chicago to participate in my first ever Jerry Springer experience. We waited 20 minutes in line outside, then 20 minutes in line afer security, then 20 minutes in line in the basement, then sat in the studio itself for an hour waiting for the show to figure out a satellite link.

Jerry was dancing with the Stars and Steve the bouncer played host, and the episode belonged on Oprah! -- it was an old crack whore dying of AIDS with 13 lost (taken away) children, and her dying wish was to see them again. The show found 4 daughters. the eldest hated her, the next two were sympathetic. The show was bad. But mostly, it wasn't what anyone came for. Apparently, one goes to Jerry Springer to see pixelated nudity and beeped out expletives without the pixelation and beeps. So the producers felt bad for the audience and gave everyone free tickets for a "real" show.

Are we the luckiest ever? Why am I frightened?